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For my own personal entertainment, a mix of some likely sayings heard at the Den mixed over the famous Beeb’s popular Peckham sitcom’s theme tune.

If you don’t like it, tough, I do. If however you do like Millwall, another well-made video involving wonderboy Morrison and a cat I posted previously can be had HERE.

M- She major ugly
O- she fat and pugly
O- oh my god, no, the cow says “MOO”

M- she’s major ugly
O- she fat and pugly
O- oh my god, no, the cow says “M-M-M-M-MOO!”

She ain’t got no alibi, she ugly!
(screw off)

M- She’s major ugly
O- she’s fat and pugly
O- my god, no, the cow says “MOO”
~~~~~
“Hey, let me ask you something, does she have an alibi?”
“For what? Why would she need an alibi?”
“So you’re saying she does NOT have an alibi?”
“Well, no”
“Okay, so we’ve established she ain’t got no alibi, she ugly! She ugly! U-G-L-Y! She ain’t got no alibi! She ugly!”
“Screw off”
~~~~~~
M- she’s major ugly
O- She’s fat and pugly
O- my god, no, the cow said “MOO”
~Repeat 4 times~

Aussie Humour

I do like my koala-eating, crocodile-shagging cousins down-under.  I remember when I graced their shores many moons ago.  Got the pome treatment throughout but boy are they good fun.  Shame they suffer from their own version of the Labour Party.  Glad to see they’ve kept their humour though.

Immigration wouldn’t be so bad if we imported foreign Conservatives and exported our fellow deluded.  The world would finally see balance if all the lazy degenerates and professional haters were altogether in their dystopia.  We’d still have to send them food parcels but at least we wouldn’t have to suffer Graham Norton.

Ring Ring…..

Hello – Australian team dressing room

Hello mate…Can I speak to Ricky Ponting please.

Sorry mate – he’s just gone out to bat

It’s OK – I’ll hold.


************

Q: What is the main function of the Australian coach?

A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

************

Q: What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?

A: A waiter.

************

Q: Which Australian spends the most time at the crease?

A: The woman who irons the cricket whites.

************

Q: Why don’t Aussie fielders need pre-tour injections?

A: Because they never catch anything.

************

Q: What’s the Aussie version of a hat trick?

A: Three runs in three over’s.

************

Q: What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

A: Both wonder where their next score will come from.

************

Q: What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?

A: The walk back to the pavilion.

************

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?

A: The entire Australian innings.

************

Q: What’s the Australian version of LBW?

A: Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

************

Q: Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?

A: Because they can’t spell beer.

************

Q: What do you call an Australian with 100 to his name

A: A bowler

************

Q: Why do Australians struggle with bottles.

A.: Because they don’t have any openers

************

Q: What do you call a world class Australian cricketer

A: Retired

************

Q: What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube

A: Laughing stock

************

Something for the soul.

Heard it on an advert.

Cartman interview

Evolution by Mrs Garrison

Beer Song

Cartman’s best one-liners to a techno beat

Cartman ‘Pokerface’ with liberties to Lady Gaga

Stumped (joke)

A  young woman walked into a police station in Melbourne and said to the Desk Sergeant

“I’d like to report a case of sexual assault”.

“Where did it happen?” the Sergeant asked.

“Just down the road  past the MCG ” she replied “

“Can you describe what happened?”

“Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me”.

“Could you give me a description of him?”

“Yes, he was wearing white sports  shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg”.

“Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman”, said the Sergeant.

“Yes”, said the lady instantly, “He was an Aussie Cricketer”.

“That’s very observant”, said the Sergeant, “You worked that out from his accent?”

“No”, she replied. “I worked it out because he wasn’t in for very long”.