Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Australia’ Category

I do like my koala-eating, crocodile-shagging cousins down-under.  I remember when I graced their shores many moons ago.  Got the pome treatment throughout but boy are they good fun.  Shame they suffer from their own version of the Labour Party.  Glad to see they’ve kept their humour though.

Immigration wouldn’t be so bad if we imported foreign Conservatives and exported our fellow deluded.  The world would finally see balance if all the lazy degenerates and professional haters were altogether in their dystopia.  We’d still have to send them food parcels but at least we wouldn’t have to suffer Graham Norton.

Read Full Post »

Ring Ring…..

Hello – Australian team dressing room

Hello mate…Can I speak to Ricky Ponting please.

Sorry mate – he’s just gone out to bat

It’s OK – I’ll hold.


************

Q: What is the main function of the Australian coach?

A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

************

Q: What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?

A: A waiter.

************

Q: Which Australian spends the most time at the crease?

A: The woman who irons the cricket whites.

************

Q: Why don’t Aussie fielders need pre-tour injections?

A: Because they never catch anything.

************

Q: What’s the Aussie version of a hat trick?

A: Three runs in three over’s.

************

Q: What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

A: Both wonder where their next score will come from.

************

Q: What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?

A: The walk back to the pavilion.

************

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?

A: The entire Australian innings.

************

Q: What’s the Australian version of LBW?

A: Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

************

Q: Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?

A: Because they can’t spell beer.

************

Q: What do you call an Australian with 100 to his name

A: A bowler

************

Q: Why do Australians struggle with bottles.

A.: Because they don’t have any openers

************

Q: What do you call a world class Australian cricketer

A: Retired

************

Q: What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube

A: Laughing stock

************

Read Full Post »